Thriving During Career Transition

Wow, what a difference a few months make! The turmoil in the economy has translated into upheaval in people's personal and professional lives. Many have suffered a direct hit, in the form of a layoff or business closure. For others, it has a more subtle impact. Perhaps the fact that your employer has not invested in your career development, or your growing workload in a field you don't enjoy, has caused you or someone that you know to start looking to change careers.

Changing careers can be disorienting, as if you are driving in an unfamiliar city without a map or GPS. You often lose the structure and sense of connection that you have in an office environment.

Here are eight ways that you can deal with the disorienting process of career transition:

1. Keep your cool. Everything is going to be okay. Really.
2. Share your emotions with others. Lean on family and friends for morale support or keep a journal.
   
3. Ask yourself powerful questions. Questions like "What do I want more of?" or "What am I ready to let go of?" can help you to frame the type of position and workplace that will most fulfill you.
   
4. Stay connected. Read career-oriented blogs and visit websites devoted to your field every day. Build up your LinkedIn network. Connect with other jobseekers and set-up regular calls or coffeeshop meetings.
   
5. Develop a daily and weekly schedule around your energy patterns.
   
6. Set tangible daily and weekly goals. How many prospects will you identify? How many resumes will you send out? Be specific.
7. Create a workspace that inspires. Use photos, slogans, flowers, or music to motivate you while you work. If you find that being around people energizes you, consider conducting your search from a table at Caribou or Panera.
   
8. Reward yourself. When you reach your daily and weekly goals, treat yourself with something that is meaningful to you.

The Power of the Detroit Perspective

As I talk with clients and colleagues in Metro Detroit, it is common for the conversation to focus on how difficult the local economy is. With the erosion of manufacturing jobs and the ongoing downsizing of the automotive industry, virtually everyone here is feeling the pinch. For those who have been impacted directly by a lost job, they are forced to take bold steps to adapt.

For those who are indirectly affected, they make more minor changes: they start eating at home more often or don't take the boat out as much as they did a few years ago. The difficulty starts when we start to shrink back from taking calculating risks, and start living in fear. I often hear "I'll never find a new job, because the economy sucks" or "no one will buy my services because no one has money." With these grand, sweeping statements, our options appear to shrink before our eyes. This perspective becomes so overwhelmingly powerful, that nothing seems possible.

People often ask me, "I bet it is tough to run your own business in this economy." Guess what, it isn't. There may be unique obstacles presented by it, but then isn't that true of anything worth having? There will always be obstacles, it is how we dodge, scale, or obliterate them that matters.

The reality is, most of us only need one job. And one life partner. And one home. We do not need the entire economy to be strong in order for us to have both what we need to get by and what we want to feel fulfilled.

And we are powerful. When locked in on scaling whatever obstacles inevitably pop up, we can accomplish great things in our lives. It is truly transcendent to see another human realize that "Wow, I can control my own life!" and to watch what that opens up for them.

Staggering Toward Greatness

Winning an Olympic Gold Medal is a dream for many, and a reality for a very few. We watch an athlete like Michael Phelps compete, and it almost looks effortless -- like something staged for our enjoyment. An athlete dreams, he trains, he wins gold!

In reality, most of us are more like Gabriele Andersen-Scheiss than Michael Phelps. Andersen-Scheiss is the female marathoner who staggered into the the Memorial Coliseum in LA in 1984 -- clearly exhausted, barely able to walk, and brushing off all attempts at help. And she finished the race. She didn't earn a medal, some might say she embarrassed herself, but she finished the Olympic marathon under her own power.

And I find that when we are moving toward "greatness" in our lives, however we define that for ourselves, that we are not running swiftly toward that goal, with styled hair, matching accessories and a clever quip on the tongue. We look more like Andersen-Scheiss, contorted and exhausted, but so very human.

Where in your life are you staggering? Where are you aware that what you are doing is unfamiliar, rough, or messy? Good news -- that is the very place where you are moving toward something better for yourself. You are not content to sit on the sidelines, either cheering on others or complaining about how no one has ever bought you the right running shoes.

I find in my work with my coaching clients that we often believe that change is easy -- whether one desires to find a new job, become a more balanced person, or invite love into their life. We believe that if we only put our mind to it, we could run that Olympic marathon tomorrow; so we set out with the best of intentions. Guess what happens? We cramp up in mile 6 and have to walk, or feel dizzy and have to stop, or someone trips us and we fall flat on the pavement. "How could this be?" we often ask. "I must be a failure!" we might say to ourselves.

Just run. And when you fall flat, get up and start running again. Or go buy better shoes, or talk to someone about how you could change your form. Or simply ask for someone to help you stand up. But just keep running.

For, in the words of actress Mary Pickford, "what we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."

As long as you keep getting up and staggering forward, then greatness truly awaits you.

Creating Value in Your Day

Ah, the tyranny of the task list! That neat, box-filled list we compile in Outlook or on an attractive magnetic notepad from the dollar section at Target.

As a former corporate executive, I know the experience of this daily and weekly ritual of gathering up the things that should be done and then recording their completion. It is how things get done, right?

Surely, things do get done. Like "get labels from supply room for file folders" and "send out recap of conference call." Those are tasks that needed to be completed -- but what value did they create? How has the world, your life, or even your day been enhanced?

When does "Be unusually kind to someone" every show up on your task list? Or perhaps "Sit for two hours and just think about how I can make this organization better?" What value would that bring to your company or business, versus sending out the conference call recap that no one will read?

I challenge you to mix it up -- add one "stretch" task to your task list today. Think of how satisfying it will be to check that box.

How Rules Rule Our Lives

Anyone who has ever attempted to play Monopoly has read a list of rules. In Monopoly, we follow the rules in order to maintain order and for the chance to buy Park Place and Boardwalk in order to build hotels and bankrupt our friends and family.

What if, however, there were a much larger, grander board out there, one on which we could build eco-tourist luxury spa resorts? Or perhaps build nothing at all and let Boardwalk become a natural habitat for birds?

We’d have to break the rules – in the risk of dreaming something grander or more resonant for ourselves.

Some rules are important, such as obeying traffic lights and wearing clothes in public. However, we may have developed our own set of rules from “rules” that we’ve heard from our friends, family, or the media we consume, such as, “I should get up before 10AM on Saturdays” or “Nice girls don’t wear skirts THAT short.”

Can you think of any rules that you follow that you or someone else may simply have made up? It is likely that words like “should”, “must” and “don’t” pop up in your rules. Try to think of one of these rules right now. Is following this rule holding you back from something that you really love? Say dessert, or maybe sleep? How about from following a childhood dream? Is it holding you back from bringing joy into your life?

Now may be the time to create some new rules, rules that focus on seeking out what you want instead of avoiding what you shouldn’t. What do you want more of? Laughter? Adventure? Love?

Make one new rule today that will bring what you desire closer. You just might find yourself Chairman of the Board.

Losing Power

Recently, power was knocked out in my area for almost a week. If you think about it, power is something that we rely on so heavily to fuel our lives: our water temperature, our lights, our food, our entertainment. So what do we do when suddenly the power is just gone? We adapt. We grill outdoors, we light candles, we go to bed early, we live without e-mail. And there is a certain enjoyment in the resourcefulness that we find within ourselves. In life, it is easy to rely on the power grid -- to be content in simply knowing that it is there, that someone or something else is powering our life. Whether it is a corporation, a non-profit organization, or a family, it is often comforting to know that there are others with a plan or vision of how things should be. What if suddenly, however, that power grid is gone -- through a merger, or a job loss, or a death? Then what do we plug in to? That is the time to get out the candles. Metaphorically, your candles may be books, faith, friends, or your own resourcefulness. How will you adapt? What will you discover in having to change course, to conserve your resources, to get creative? You just might discover that you held the power all along.

Authentically You

What is authenticity?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines authentic as "true to one's own personality, spirit, or character."

What is your true spirit or character? What things do you value most in life? If I asked your best friend, what would they say is most true about you?

I have a dear friend who I consider to live authentically. She is grounded in her values of love, curiosity, empathy, faith, and laughter. She is not wealthy, famous, or extraordinarily beautiful, yet she is one of the richest, best-loved, and most beautiful people that I know. Her constant pursuit of knowledge and understanding, which she in turn shares with those around her, is her "spirit" -- her authentic self.

I believe that, like snowflakes or pieces in a 500-piece puzzle, no two people are the same in their authenticity -- each of us possesses a unique combination of values, traits, and spirit that sets us apart from others. To live authentically is to live in defiance of convention, the judgment of others, and even good sense. It is to be brazenly, resolutely YOU.

Are you ready to live authentically?

Fulfillment, Please

Do you remember George Costanza's "Serenity Now" mantra from "Seinfeld"? I love the idea that one can simply utter a statement and find total contentment and peace.

What if we could indeed order Fulfillment like a #2 Value Meal? Yes, I'll take the Fulfillment Combo with a side of Peace of Mind and a Super-Sized Shake of Joy. But it just isn't that simple.

To reach a sense of fulfillment, it can be helpful to thoroughly explore your values and how they are expressed in your life today. This idea is a core idea of the Co-Active Coaching model that I use as a coach. For example, let's say you value perseverance. How is the value of perseverance expressed in your life today? Do your relationships and your career allow you to continue to grow and achieve, or are you confined in some way? You many not be fully living the value of perseverance, and it might make you unhappy or restless.

In a sense, we can create our own Fulfillment Combo by identifying those values that we hold most dear, and then designing a life that allows us to fully express them. Make a list of 10 values that are important to you. After reviewing the list, which jump out at you as being most important? How are they expressed in your life today?

What one thing can you change right now to live in sync with your values? Fulfillment, please.

Bustin' Out of the Zone

The comfort zone, that is. It is interesting to imagine that our comfort zone is a physical place, a small room that is filled with the things that we love, a room that completely reflects our character, strengths, and values.

My zone would be painted a soothing light blue, filled with an aroma of achievement and silly jokes, and would be lined with shelves of half-read books on a variety of topics. Posters of my values would hang on the walls -- like "Integrity" with a photo of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and "Loyalty" with a kitten curled up in an old man's lap.

What would be in your zone? What colors, objects, scents, and sounds? How big is your zone?

A more interesting question then becomes: what is outside your zone? When we stick to our comfort zone, we stay with the familiar. We eat the same foods, wear the same clothes, and talk to the same people. What are the things that you dislike or are afraid of? For me, choosing not to be part of an organized religion was part of my comfort zone and I now realize that this came at the expense of exploring my spirituality. Sticking with my comfort zone did not help me to grow in an important way.

Try and think of one simple thing that is outside your comfort zone -- something like stopping to talk to a neighbor you usually don't speak to or biting your tongue when someone says something that you don't agree with -- anything.

Try to do that one simple thing tomorrow. Can you feel your comfort zone expanding already?

In Support of Soft Skills

Much has been written about soft skills. The term is often bandied about, but seldom defined. So, here you go:

Soft skills are defined as personal qualities: responsibility, self-esteem, sociability, self-management, integrity/honesty; and interpersonal skills: participates as a member of a team, teaches others, serves client/customers, exercises leadership, negotiates, works with cultural diversity (as defined by the U.S. Department of Labor).

In my coaching practice, it is not uncommon for me to see a client grimace when I utter the term "soft skills." Why is this? For some, it is likely a fear that emotions are about to arrive on the scene. For others, the term triggers feelings of being socially awkward or unaccepted. And for yet others, soft skills just seem like a light topic that doesn't really matter much compared to the meaty stuff that they teach you in a corporate finance class.

Soft skills are often perceived to be both simple and touchy-feely -- neither is true. Soft skills are not simple to develop -- they must be cultivated, just like a financial analyst must learn about net present value, a successful manager must learn how to demonstrate leadership. Why? So that things get done.

How about being touchy-feely? Does that really belong in business? I am reminded of the line "There's no crying in baseball!" from a League of Their Own. One might say "There's no emotion in business!" Yet what is the shame in truly relating to, motivating, and caring about the people with whom you work? They just might work harder and get along better. Maybe turnover goes down, maybe productivity goes up. Hmmm.

Two Types of Skills Every Leader Needs

As a leader moves up in their career, two critical things begin to happen:

• Soft skills, such as persuasively selling one's ideas, motivating others, and setting organizational vision, become more important. These are often directly opposed to the functional skills that helped a manager to be successful earlier in their career.

• Latent skills, often things that a leader finds distasteful or unpleasant, become liabilities. These latent skills might include dealing with public speaking, conflict, or organizational politics.

It is essential for a leader to develop personal, authentic strategies to address these two important areas. I will look at each of them in turn on this blog.

Thank You, Disillusionment

"Thank You, Disillusionment" is a line in an Alanis Morissette song. Isn't it ironic? At first blush, it sounds ridiculous. But after further thought, it makes so much sense...

You might find that you're going along, minding your own business, driving your SUV or mini-van to and from the office, school, the skating rink, and Whole Foods. Each day feels similar -- same coffee, same shampoo, same boss. These things are familiar, comforting. You might think to yourself "I am settled" or "I have a lot of things that my parents never had" or "I'm doing pretty well for being only __ (insert your age here) years old." And then one day, you really don't feel like getting out of bed. Its like you're wearing leaden pajamas. Your head might be aching, or your back, or even your heart. The thought of drinking that same coffee, washing your hair with that same shampoo, and having to review the same status report with the boss feel like Herculean tasks.

What happened while you were sleeping? Disillusionment crept in. Suddenly, those things that you thought were really important to you, those things that are important to your boss, your neighbor, or E!, are simply not that important. In fact, you might not even be able to remember what is important. Or maybe things have changed, and you hadn't noticed. You might find yourself pulling the covers over your head, or digging your fingernails into the sheets.

What now? How could you possibly rise up out of bed and stumble downstairs? Try this. What does your heart tell you to do? Place your hand over your heart. Take a deep breath. Ask your heart again: "what should I do?" Wait for a minute. What did your heart tell you?

It might have told you to get out of bed, get dressed, and catch the train to the office because doing that will make it possible to take that trip to Hawaii you've always dreamed of, or maybe your heart will tell you that it is absolutely essential that you make major changes in your life, or maybe it will tell you to go play with your dog.

The gift of a flash of disillusionment is that it strikes quickly and with force. It makes us stop and think about how we are living. And it can get us in touch with our heart, and maybe even help us to achieve a sense of clarity about what's most important to us.

Thank you, disillusionment.

Rethinking Work-Life Balance

This is an idea that I've tossed around in my head for years: is true work-life balance possible?

I have found that life is typically cyclical -- everything goes up and then everything goes down. You are leading a conference for 18 companies over 1,500 miles from home, and your child starts projectile vomiting as you drive to the airport. Or you spend your birthday completely alone, and a rare Saturday birthday at that, and you would give anything to have a couple of expense reports to complete. In this "all or nothing" world, how is it possible to achieve work-life balance?

And why are work and life juxtaposed, as if wholly unrelated and diametrically opposed? Can one not have both fulfilling work and a joyous life? I dare to say - YES! So, I prefer to simply use the term "life balance."

What is your life balance? The very idea may seem a little hazy, or even like something that your neighbor might have, but certainly not you. If you sit and really think about it, what does your ideal life balance look like? What are the things that you value most? Friends? Family? Health? Laughter? Money? Power? Faith? Jogging? Scrapbooking? A Daily Nap? Take a moment to jot down what your heart tells you is most important.

Only you can define the people, ideas, and activities that are most important to you. And those things will always be somewhat at odds with each other -- how are family and money at odds? How about power and health? Which of the items that you wrote down appear to clash?

As we've all heard from childhood: "you can't have your cake and eat it, too!" Well, I say that you can have your cake AND eat it, too! And a cream puff. And homemade blackberry pie. And whole grain vegan rolls. You just can't have them all at once.

So, to me, life balance is something to be thought of in months or years, not days or weeks. Think about it. You may be feeling bad about not working out this morning, but how many times were you able to go for a mind-clearing jog in February? Or you may be disappointed that an old friend didn't return your call, but how many laughter-filled lunches have you had in the last month with friends old and new? Or you may feel stressed out by a looming deadline at work, but how many times were you able to leave work early (or on time) last month to cheer a child on at a sporting event?

Those cherished moments, those light spots in an often dark world, are what life balance is about. I suggest that for one month you keep track of the number of times that you express or enjoy the most valued things that you wrote down earlier. What do you discover? What will you have for dessert?

Forgetting How to Fall

In an effort to learn a new skill and remain physically active, I’ve started taking adult figure skating lessons. Each week, five women and our coach take the ice and practice our basic skills. This week, we were practicing backward crossovers. We are all ringing a blue circle in the ice, focusing intently on moving our bodies in the proper way. Our bodies are hunched up, with our shoulders elevated and our fingers splayed wide, looking something like the zombies from Michael Jackson’s Thriller video.

Our furrowed brows and pursed lips show how hard we are trying… how hard we are trying not to fall. This strikes me as being in stark contrast with how my daughter and her friends are on the ice. In fact, it is not uncommon for a figure skater to fall 10 times in a 30-minute period. That is how they learn to execute the skills correctly, and ultimately how they learn not to fall.

As adults, many of us have forgotten how to fall. Why? It is likely a combination of ego and the fear of the physical pain that comes with falling. So we try desperately not to fall… moving our bodies and brains to ridiculous limits, simply not to look embarrassed. And then we stop trying new things.

In our careers, we are often looking to avoid situations in which we might fall. So we come up with excuses — I’m too busy, I forgot, I already now how to do it. Or, if we do fall, it was because the ice was bumpy, or that other guy got in our way, or we were distracted by all of the other things that were on our mind at the time.

If you watch a child fall while skating, they spring right back up and do exactly the same thing again, this time working harder not to fall, or even asking a coach how to improve their technique to limit the chance of falling. And guess what, they fall less and less until they’ve mastered the skill.

So I ask you to try to fall this week — either physically or metaphorically. Try something that intrigues you, something that you’re not yet good at, and discover the gift of falling.

But I Told You To Do It This Way

On the job, as in life, we learn to tell others what to do. We first learn these skills when we are in our earliest positions of power, such as big brother or older neighbor to easily influenced siblings or neighbors. We tell them “It would save Mom money if we cut our own hair — why don’t you go first?” or “Ride this plastic horse down the stairs and let’s see what happens.” In so doing, we learn how powerful we are to influence others.

As we grow older, we refine our techniques. We might say “You’re doing that wrong, you need to hold your handlebars like this.” No longer content to simply make suggestions, we now want them to act in exactly the way we’ve told them.

As we begin in a career, we once again become that younger neighbor. Invariably, there is someone in the cube next to you, let’s call her Shelly, who has 3 1/2 months more experience than you do, and she’s taking us under her wing to “show us the ropes.” With an air of confidence, she imparts to us, “Never talk to Fred before 10AM, he’s a real jerk before he’s had three cups of coffee,” or “Be sure and leave work right at 5:25 so you can ride down in the elevator with the boss.” And, as we want to get ahead at the firm, we listen and imitate Shelly. Shelly feels powerful, and we do not. We resent Shelly.

This changes when we become the boss. We become that big brother or sister again, and we proceed to tell our direct reports, and perhaps some of our weaker peers, how to think and act. In the interest of helping, we re-write faulty memos and tell them exactly what to say when they’re making a presentation in front of the big boss. Feeling good in our newfound confidence, we begin to make suggestions about where they might want to consider buying a condo, or what school at which to get their MBA (your alma mater, of course!).

Suddenly, you find yourself offended that the employee bought a condo across town from your recommendation. Just as the big brother dismisses his younger sister when she resists his suggestion of how to wash the family dog in chocolate milk, we are surprised. What a stupid thing to do! “They must be too green to know better,” we say knowingly. “Perhaps I shouldn’t trust her judgment so much,” we note. We become more guarded in our interactions with them, and the relationship and the work suffers.

We only become more powerful as a manager when we realize that it is not the suggestion that limits us, but rather our emotional investment in having our suggestion (order?) followed. We are not genuinely interested in our co-worker finding a condo that he loves, but rather in him following our suggestion. Why? Probably because it validates our power as the authority.

So the next time you are tempted to tell a team-member how to do something, what if you asked her how she would like to do it, first? You might be surprised that she plans to do it the same way you would. And to that you could say, “great idea.” Therein lies the power of leadership.