The Full Glass

The more I observe others in my work and life, the more I am convinced that attitude is vital to our sense of fulfillment. The oft-used metaphor of seeing the glass as half full or half empty is helpful, but only part of the story.

Beyond a doubt, my favorite people are "full glass" people -- those special individuals who always see opportunity in life. My colleague and friend Lisa is one of those people -- she could be having a bad hair day, get a flat tire, and be late for an important meeting, and yet she is smiling and laughing. What does she know that the rest of us do not? I think it is that she sees the full glass.

The attitude we hold is so powerful. If we see endless possibility, then we can unleash this power into the world.

I think that Maya Angelou said it best when she told Oprah -- "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." I think that the "full glass" person walks out into the downpour, wears the same outfit twice, and probably pours a glass of wine and puts on Nat King Cole before tackling the lights.

I struggle with being a "full glass" person myself, but I am always looking out for them. They are out there -- at pet shelters, bus stops, and on the slide at the playground. And they remind us to see the possibilities in life.

Building Relationships

So, recent events have really brought home for me the need to focus on creating long-term relationships based on mutual respect.

As a business owner, I am constantly forming new relationships -- clients, suppliers, business partners. This have been fabulously enlightening. I would assume that being that I am a rational, decent person who runs my business with integrity, these relationships would all be productive. Not so.

I have to say, the relationships I have had with my clients have been fantastic. Ironic, isn't it? They are the ones paying me directly for a service, yet all of these relationships have been very positive and productive. Really a delight. And I reach out to them from time-to-time just to touch base, or to share articles or referrals.

Business partners have been a mixed bag. With the exception of one relationship, all of these partnerships have struggled down the stretch. A lack of goal alignment seems to be at play here.

The most interesting situation has been with suppliers. I literally have to track down the suppliers that I work with to get them to engage with me... and I am paying them! They don't return calls, frequently make mistakes, and only contact me when they want to sell me something. I receive no ongoing communications, business ideas, or check-ins. I found this post from Seth Godin to address this sentiment: This must be hard.

For those of you who provide services to others -- what have you done for your customers lately?

Achieving Great Things Without Paying a Great Personal Cost

This post is for those who want to achieve great things. We may define greatness differently. It might be a tangible goal, such as writing a book, or to be well-known in our chosen field. Or, it might be more abstract, like being a positive force in our community. There often is a desire to create a legacy -- something that lives on after we are gone.

Many of the people I meet and talk with want to accomplish great things, but they are often afraid that they will lose control of their life. This feeling is very real for some, as they have personal experience with becoming out of balance when pursuing a goal.

For them, they are not willing to pay the price of losing their physical, emotional, and spiritual health for the sake of a personal goal. It becomes an either/or proposition.

Believe it or not, you can achieve great things without paying that heavy price. There are three phases of accomplishing great things without a great personal cost:

1. Balance the Scales

Be very clear about both the goal. You may have the acronym "SMART" for setting goals: specific, measurable, achievable, reasonable and time-based.

Make a list of what you want to hang on to. Where are your boundaries? What are you not willing to give up?

2. Watch for the Tip

What are the warning signs? When your personal health, emotions, or other priorities start to slip, there may be warning signs, such as insomnia, headaches, or canceling on your favorite activities, family, or friends.

3. Hold Tight

This is the tricky part. There will always be others who need and want things from us -- it is your decision which of these demands and requests you will give your precious time to. When someone makes a request of you, go back to your "hang on to" list -- is the person who is making the request on the list? If not, it is likely best to say no. If so, perhaps an open conversation about what is requested and what you have to give would be helpful.

Just remember that you hold the scales.

The Angela Lansbury Paradigm

Since I was a child, I can remember learning about what a "normal" work life was. You went to the same job in the same building for 35 years. You worked until your late 50s or early 60s, and then you retired to golf or fish. As if flipping a switch, one day you went from "working" to "retired." Generally, work was drudgery, something that greyed your hair and caused your back to sag. Conversely, retirement was carefree, a time to play and to walk with a spring in your step.

Recently, I was struck by a different model for a lifetime of work -- Angela Lansbury. Funny, but she's always been there -- for all of us. She's acted in movies since 1944, and played Elizabeth Taylor older sister in National Velvet. A recent article in The New York Times told of her recent triumph, at age 83, in Blithe Spirit on Broadway. For a moment, a thought flashed through my mind "Wow, still working at 83!" and then I realized that she was working because she loved what she was doing. Her life and her work are intertwined, a double helix of physical and emotional growth.

We often hear of the need to save for retirement -- the grasshopper and the ant fable of toiling away to save bread crumbs for a lengthy retirement of doing little. What if, like Angela Lansbury, we never retired? Not because we can't afford to, but because we can't afford not to?

What activity doesn't feel like work, even when you are laboring physically or mentally? For me, gardening involves a lot of physical exertion and mundane tasks, but it fills me with such a sense of satisfaction. It is work that I can't afford not to do.

So, what if we shifted the way we think about work and retirement? What if working becomes about controlling the what, when, how, and with whom? And maybe as we age, we work fewer hours, but we pursue a variety of interests we've cultivated over a lifetime.

What if we, like Angela Lansbury, we are always looking for that next opportunity to whirl on stage in a turban?

Tackling Burnout

Here is a link to a great article about burnout on the job. This is a topic I encounter often, and the article addresses both the symptoms of burnout and possible action steps to cope with it.

The Fallacy of Scarcity

Money is on everyone's mind these days. As Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey sang in Cabaret -- "Money Makes the World Go Around." So, money may make the world go around, but does it make your life go around?
We all need money to support our needs and our wants. When we shift our perspective to one in which money (or the lack of money) is the litmus test by which all wants are judged, we get into trouble. For example, when a spouse loses a job or our overtime disappears -- it is as if our sense of opportunity closes up overnight, like a morning glory on a chilly spring evening.


When we start to see the world from a point-of-view of scarcity, or that there is only a finite amount of good "stuff" out there and so we need to conserve or horde what we have, it is my belief that we close up like that morning glory. We often strive to hold on to what we have, be it a relationship or a job we've outgrown, even if it no longer fulfills us. We also start to see others as competition, and often feel envious of what others have that we do not.


In the eloquent words of Stephen Covey, “People with a scarcity mentality tend to see everything in terms of win-lose. There is only so much; and if someone else has it, that means there will be less for me. The more principle-centered we become, the more we develop an abundance mentality, the more we are genuinely happy for the successes, well-being, achievements, recognition, and good fortune of other people. We believe their success adds to...rather than detracts from...our lives.”


What if, instead, we lived from this place of abundance, where there was more than enough love and economic prosperity to go around? When turning our eyes to the role that money plays in our life, we see not deprivation, but the opportunity to grow, invest, and use our creativity? What if we invest time and a bit of money in exploring a long forgotten passion, or finishing up that degree we were a few credits short of receiving?


You can try an exercise to practice using this abundance perspective: Start by making a list of all of the interests or activities that you're curious about pursuing -- anything that has ever sparked your interest. Now, select at least one thing that has always sparked your interest, and costs under $100 (or perhaps costs nothing at all!). Now, start enjoying that activity TODAY! As you pursue the activity, reflect on what engaging in this activity brings into your life. How does it open up possibility in your life?


I wish that you may live in abundance.

Time Is On Your Side

In business and in life, we show up late, cancel at the last minute, or don't show up at all for appointments and meetings.

Sometimes, an urgent or important activity crops up at the eleventh hour, but more often it is simply someone's lack of planning that leads to the "miss."

We often actually start to blame time itself. "I don't have enough time!" we lament. "I lost track of time!" we cry; or my favorite "My time is not my own!"

When we take this passive approach to time we often end up off course -- in the wrong career, network, or relationship. When we simply see ourselves as a leaf adrift on the raging river of life, we cede our power to the current, not realizing that all we need to do is to grab a paddle and start paddling.

Are you ready to pick up a paddle and take back control of your time?

Tips for Making Your Time Your Own:

• Find A Paddle: Start by realizing where you need help. Select the physical tools you'll need, like a planner, an electronic calendar, or a PDA.



• Navigate: Figure out where you're headed. What will taking control of your time give you? Perhaps you will have more time to work out, to spend time with family, or to pursue a personal passion. I have one friend who won't compromise on her weekly volleyball game -- which activity is sacred to you?



• Hire A Sacagawea: Maybe you need help navigating. Hiring an assistant or using a virtual assistant can help you to protect your time and prioritize those things that are most important.



• Watch Out For the Reeds: Some meetings or appointments may be regularly unproductive for you, or may emotionally exhaust you. Get out your calendar and identify at least one commitment that is unnecessary or unproductive. Notify the meeting scheduler that you will not longer be attending.



• Focus On The Destination: What do you hope to accomplish by navigating the river? Perhaps you will improve your health, accomplish personal goals, or deepen important relationships.
  

When we regain control over our time, we often feel both relief and a sense of possibility -- we can get out of the panic of the moment and gain a new, long-term perspective.

Finding "Gigs" That Feed Us

The temptation when working from gig-to-gig is to take anything that comes along. If someone offers to pay us (or perhaps doesn't even offer to) to do something, the urge to say "Yes!" without thought of the expenses, time and energy needed can be overwhelming.

But what kind of gig is right for you? There are many ways to peel this onion:

1) What is the payoff?

Payoff can be measured traditionally by looking at the projected Return-on-Investment (ROI) or it be examined in non-traditional ways:

• Will it give you the opportunity to prove yourself with a potential client or employer?


• Will it give you exposure to contacts to whom you wouldn't normally have exposure?


• Will it give you tangible experience that will help you to expand into new territory?

2) Do you share common values?

When taking on a gig, it is helpful to share basic values about business.

You might want to explore if you and the potential partner have similar views on ethics, quality, and conduct. I actually met with a potential business partner once who told me that they wished that a mutual friend's mother would drop dead. Seriously.

3) Will the "rules" work for you?

Will your workload allow for the project? Are you comfortable with the contract or non-disclosure language? Is it a "win-win" for you -- an opportunity that will both enrich you financially and professionally?

Prospering in Difficult Times

So much of my work as a coach these days focuses on the challenge of living in tough economic times. Last September, I wrote about The Detroit Perspective, which spoke of living in Michigan during a recession. Since I wrote that post, the entire country (and world for that matter) has slipped into a recession.

Six months later, I find that people feel the pressures of layoffs and declining portfolios much more acutely. However, many are finding opportunity in these down times to make a change, learn new things, or re-connect with people or passions.

Here is a recent article I wrote about Leading in Difficult Times and published in Corp! magazine. May you continue to lead and prosper in your own life.

Are You in the "Gig" Economy?

A few weeks ago, I heard a compelling story on NPR about the emerging "Gig Economy." The guest was Tina Brown, Editor-in-Chief of The Daily Beast blog, and she was speaking about her January 12 blog post, The Gig Economy, and the related buzz it had created.

Are you in the "Gig Economy?" In a nutshell, it means engaging in multiple services or products as a means of earning money, usually for yourself or with a few partners. Personally, I am a life coach, career transition coach, branding/marketing consultant, writer, and a fledgling jewelry designer. And you know what, I love it!

Gone for many are the days of working for "the man" in a big company. We may come to the gig life from many paths: layoff, the desire to work part-time while raising a family, or the burning, deeply personal desire to create value in the world on our own terms. I will be blogging in the coming weeks about thriving in the Gig Economy. What's your gig?

Bringing Purpose Back Into Your Life

"And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself -- Well...how did I get here?"

-- Talking Heads

To me, living a joyful life is about knowing what your life purpose is, and then building your day-to-day life around it. Your life purpose is as unique as your fingerprints. Mother Teresa was called to serve God and the poor, and Mr. Blackwell was called to critique the clothing of Regis Philbin and Marg Helgenberger. However noble, or lofty, or grand, your life purpose is that one special thing that makes your heart sing.

Sometimes, we lose track of our life purpose. We get "down into the weeds" of daily living -- dentist appointments, karate lessons, and status report updates. If you're like me, a feeling of disquiet or disillusionment may build inside for a span of a few months or years, until suddenly you stop dead in your tracks and realize, in the words of David Byrne, "Am I right? Am I wrong? My God! What have I done!"

Perhaps you've misplaced your life purpose, or are living one someone else created for you, or you have never landed on one in the first place. Whatever the reason, you can re-focus on your life purpose. "Great," you might ask yourself, "how do I even know what it is?"

Try asking yourself a couple of questions to see if your life purpose emerges:

1. If you had only one week to live, what would you do?
2. Think of a time in your life when you felt pure bliss. What was present in your life at that time? Try to be as specific as possible.
3. A friend is preparing to write your eulogy -- what would you like them to say was your greatest contribution to the world?

And yes, you do get to have your very own life purpose.