Building Relationships

So, recent events have really brought home for me the need to focus on creating long-term relationships based on mutual respect.

As a business owner, I am constantly forming new relationships -- clients, suppliers, business partners. This have been fabulously enlightening. I would assume that being that I am a rational, decent person who runs my business with integrity, these relationships would all be productive. Not so.

I have to say, the relationships I have had with my clients have been fantastic. Ironic, isn't it? They are the ones paying me directly for a service, yet all of these relationships have been very positive and productive. Really a delight. And I reach out to them from time-to-time just to touch base, or to share articles or referrals.

Business partners have been a mixed bag. With the exception of one relationship, all of these partnerships have struggled down the stretch. A lack of goal alignment seems to be at play here.

The most interesting situation has been with suppliers. I literally have to track down the suppliers that I work with to get them to engage with me... and I am paying them! They don't return calls, frequently make mistakes, and only contact me when they want to sell me something. I receive no ongoing communications, business ideas, or check-ins. I found this post from Seth Godin to address this sentiment: This must be hard.

For those of you who provide services to others -- what have you done for your customers lately?

Achieving Great Things Without Paying a Great Personal Cost

This post is for those who want to achieve great things. We may define greatness differently. It might be a tangible goal, such as writing a book, or to be well-known in our chosen field. Or, it might be more abstract, like being a positive force in our community. There often is a desire to create a legacy -- something that lives on after we are gone.

Many of the people I meet and talk with want to accomplish great things, but they are often afraid that they will lose control of their life. This feeling is very real for some, as they have personal experience with becoming out of balance when pursuing a goal.

For them, they are not willing to pay the price of losing their physical, emotional, and spiritual health for the sake of a personal goal. It becomes an either/or proposition.

Believe it or not, you can achieve great things without paying that heavy price. There are three phases of accomplishing great things without a great personal cost:

1. Balance the Scales

Be very clear about both the goal. You may have the acronym "SMART" for setting goals: specific, measurable, achievable, reasonable and time-based.

Make a list of what you want to hang on to. Where are your boundaries? What are you not willing to give up?

2. Watch for the Tip

What are the warning signs? When your personal health, emotions, or other priorities start to slip, there may be warning signs, such as insomnia, headaches, or canceling on your favorite activities, family, or friends.

3. Hold Tight

This is the tricky part. There will always be others who need and want things from us -- it is your decision which of these demands and requests you will give your precious time to. When someone makes a request of you, go back to your "hang on to" list -- is the person who is making the request on the list? If not, it is likely best to say no. If so, perhaps an open conversation about what is requested and what you have to give would be helpful.

Just remember that you hold the scales.

The Angela Lansbury Paradigm

Since I was a child, I can remember learning about what a "normal" work life was. You went to the same job in the same building for 35 years. You worked until your late 50s or early 60s, and then you retired to golf or fish. As if flipping a switch, one day you went from "working" to "retired." Generally, work was drudgery, something that greyed your hair and caused your back to sag. Conversely, retirement was carefree, a time to play and to walk with a spring in your step.

Recently, I was struck by a different model for a lifetime of work -- Angela Lansbury. Funny, but she's always been there -- for all of us. She's acted in movies since 1944, and played Elizabeth Taylor older sister in National Velvet. A recent article in The New York Times told of her recent triumph, at age 83, in Blithe Spirit on Broadway. For a moment, a thought flashed through my mind "Wow, still working at 83!" and then I realized that she was working because she loved what she was doing. Her life and her work are intertwined, a double helix of physical and emotional growth.

We often hear of the need to save for retirement -- the grasshopper and the ant fable of toiling away to save bread crumbs for a lengthy retirement of doing little. What if, like Angela Lansbury, we never retired? Not because we can't afford to, but because we can't afford not to?

What activity doesn't feel like work, even when you are laboring physically or mentally? For me, gardening involves a lot of physical exertion and mundane tasks, but it fills me with such a sense of satisfaction. It is work that I can't afford not to do.

So, what if we shifted the way we think about work and retirement? What if working becomes about controlling the what, when, how, and with whom? And maybe as we age, we work fewer hours, but we pursue a variety of interests we've cultivated over a lifetime.

What if we, like Angela Lansbury, we are always looking for that next opportunity to whirl on stage in a turban?