Building Relationships

So, recent events have really brought home for me the need to focus on creating long-term relationships based on mutual respect.

As a business owner, I am constantly forming new relationships -- clients, suppliers, business partners. This have been fabulously enlightening. I would assume that being that I am a rational, decent person who runs my business with integrity, these relationships would all be productive. Not so.

I have to say, the relationships I have had with my clients have been fantastic. Ironic, isn't it? They are the ones paying me directly for a service, yet all of these relationships have been very positive and productive. Really a delight. And I reach out to them from time-to-time just to touch base, or to share articles or referrals.

Business partners have been a mixed bag. With the exception of one relationship, all of these partnerships have struggled down the stretch. A lack of goal alignment seems to be at play here.

The most interesting situation has been with suppliers. I literally have to track down the suppliers that I work with to get them to engage with me... and I am paying them! They don't return calls, frequently make mistakes, and only contact me when they want to sell me something. I receive no ongoing communications, business ideas, or check-ins. I found this post from Seth Godin to address this sentiment: This must be hard.

For those of you who provide services to others -- what have you done for your customers lately?

The Angela Lansbury Paradigm

Since I was a child, I can remember learning about what a "normal" work life was. You went to the same job in the same building for 35 years. You worked until your late 50s or early 60s, and then you retired to golf or fish. As if flipping a switch, one day you went from "working" to "retired." Generally, work was drudgery, something that greyed your hair and caused your back to sag. Conversely, retirement was carefree, a time to play and to walk with a spring in your step.

Recently, I was struck by a different model for a lifetime of work -- Angela Lansbury. Funny, but she's always been there -- for all of us. She's acted in movies since 1944, and played Elizabeth Taylor older sister in National Velvet. A recent article in The New York Times told of her recent triumph, at age 83, in Blithe Spirit on Broadway. For a moment, a thought flashed through my mind "Wow, still working at 83!" and then I realized that she was working because she loved what she was doing. Her life and her work are intertwined, a double helix of physical and emotional growth.

We often hear of the need to save for retirement -- the grasshopper and the ant fable of toiling away to save bread crumbs for a lengthy retirement of doing little. What if, like Angela Lansbury, we never retired? Not because we can't afford to, but because we can't afford not to?

What activity doesn't feel like work, even when you are laboring physically or mentally? For me, gardening involves a lot of physical exertion and mundane tasks, but it fills me with such a sense of satisfaction. It is work that I can't afford not to do.

So, what if we shifted the way we think about work and retirement? What if working becomes about controlling the what, when, how, and with whom? And maybe as we age, we work fewer hours, but we pursue a variety of interests we've cultivated over a lifetime.

What if we, like Angela Lansbury, we are always looking for that next opportunity to whirl on stage in a turban?

Finding "Gigs" That Feed Us

The temptation when working from gig-to-gig is to take anything that comes along. If someone offers to pay us (or perhaps doesn't even offer to) to do something, the urge to say "Yes!" without thought of the expenses, time and energy needed can be overwhelming.

But what kind of gig is right for you? There are many ways to peel this onion:

1) What is the payoff?

Payoff can be measured traditionally by looking at the projected Return-on-Investment (ROI) or it be examined in non-traditional ways:

• Will it give you the opportunity to prove yourself with a potential client or employer?


• Will it give you exposure to contacts to whom you wouldn't normally have exposure?


• Will it give you tangible experience that will help you to expand into new territory?

2) Do you share common values?

When taking on a gig, it is helpful to share basic values about business.

You might want to explore if you and the potential partner have similar views on ethics, quality, and conduct. I actually met with a potential business partner once who told me that they wished that a mutual friend's mother would drop dead. Seriously.

3) Will the "rules" work for you?

Will your workload allow for the project? Are you comfortable with the contract or non-disclosure language? Is it a "win-win" for you -- an opportunity that will both enrich you financially and professionally?

Authentically You

What is authenticity?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines authentic as "true to one's own personality, spirit, or character."

What is your true spirit or character? What things do you value most in life? If I asked your best friend, what would they say is most true about you?

I have a dear friend who I consider to live authentically. She is grounded in her values of love, curiosity, empathy, faith, and laughter. She is not wealthy, famous, or extraordinarily beautiful, yet she is one of the richest, best-loved, and most beautiful people that I know. Her constant pursuit of knowledge and understanding, which she in turn shares with those around her, is her "spirit" -- her authentic self.

I believe that, like snowflakes or pieces in a 500-piece puzzle, no two people are the same in their authenticity -- each of us possesses a unique combination of values, traits, and spirit that sets us apart from others. To live authentically is to live in defiance of convention, the judgment of others, and even good sense. It is to be brazenly, resolutely YOU.

Are you ready to live authentically?