Anyone who has ever attempted to play Monopoly has read a list of rules. In Monopoly, we follow the rules in order to maintain order and for the chance to buy Park Place and Boardwalk in order to build hotels and bankrupt our friends and family.
What if, however, there were a much larger, grander board out there, one on which we could build eco-tourist luxury spa resorts? Or perhaps build nothing at all and let Boardwalk become a natural habitat for birds?
We’d have to break the rules – in the risk of dreaming something grander or more resonant for ourselves.
Some rules are important, such as obeying traffic lights and wearing clothes in public. However, we may have developed our own set of rules from “rules” that we’ve heard from our friends, family, or the media we consume, such as, “I should get up before 10AM on Saturdays” or “Nice girls don’t wear skirts THAT short.”
Can you think of any rules that you follow that you or someone else may simply have made up? It is likely that words like “should”, “must” and “don’t” pop up in your rules. Try to think of one of these rules right now. Is following this rule holding you back from something that you really love? Say dessert, or maybe sleep? How about from following a childhood dream? Is it holding you back from bringing joy into your life?
Now may be the time to create some new rules, rules that focus on seeking out what you want instead of avoiding what you shouldn’t. What do you want more of? Laughter? Adventure? Love?
Make one new rule today that will bring what you desire closer. You just might find yourself Chairman of the Board.
Recently, power was knocked out in my area for almost a week. If you think about it, power is something that we rely on so heavily to fuel our lives: our water temperature, our lights, our food, our entertainment. So what do we do when suddenly the power is just gone? We adapt. We grill outdoors, we light candles, we go to bed early, we live without e-mail. And there is a certain enjoyment in the resourcefulness that we find within ourselves. In life, it is easy to rely on the power grid -- to be content in simply knowing that it is there, that someone or something else is powering our life. Whether it is a corporation, a non-profit organization, or a family, it is often comforting to know that there are others with a plan or vision of how things should be. What if suddenly, however, that power grid is gone -- through a merger, or a job loss, or a death? Then what do we plug in to? That is the time to get out the candles. Metaphorically, your candles may be books, faith, friends, or your own resourcefulness. How will you adapt? What will you discover in having to change course, to conserve your resources, to get creative? You just might discover that you held the power all along.
Do you remember George Costanza's "Serenity Now" mantra from "Seinfeld"? I love the idea that one can simply utter a statement and find total contentment and peace.
What if we could indeed order Fulfillment like a #2 Value Meal? Yes, I'll take the Fulfillment Combo with a side of Peace of Mind and a Super-Sized Shake of Joy. But it just isn't that simple.
To reach a sense of fulfillment, it can be helpful to thoroughly explore your values and how they are expressed in your life today. This idea is a core idea of the Co-Active Coaching model that I use as a coach. For example, let's say you value perseverance. How is the value of perseverance expressed in your life today? Do your relationships and your career allow you to continue to grow and achieve, or are you confined in some way? You many not be fully living the value of perseverance, and it might make you unhappy or restless.
In a sense, we can create our own Fulfillment Combo by identifying those values that we hold most dear, and then designing a life that allows us to fully express them. Make a list of 10 values that are important to you. After reviewing the list, which jump out at you as being most important? How are they expressed in your life today?
What one thing can you change right now to live in sync with your values? Fulfillment, please.
"Thank You, Disillusionment" is a line in an Alanis Morissette song. Isn't it ironic? At first blush, it sounds ridiculous. But after further thought, it makes so much sense...
You might find that you're going along, minding your own business, driving your SUV or mini-van to and from the office, school, the skating rink, and Whole Foods. Each day feels similar -- same coffee, same shampoo, same boss. These things are familiar, comforting. You might think to yourself "I am settled" or "I have a lot of things that my parents never had" or "I'm doing pretty well for being only __ (insert your age here) years old." And then one day, you really don't feel like getting out of bed. Its like you're wearing leaden pajamas. Your head might be aching, or your back, or even your heart. The thought of drinking that same coffee, washing your hair with that same shampoo, and having to review the same status report with the boss feel like Herculean tasks.
What happened while you were sleeping? Disillusionment crept in. Suddenly, those things that you thought were really important to you, those things that are important to your boss, your neighbor, or E!, are simply not that important. In fact, you might not even be able to remember what is important. Or maybe things have changed, and you hadn't noticed. You might find yourself pulling the covers over your head, or digging your fingernails into the sheets.
What now? How could you possibly rise up out of bed and stumble downstairs? Try this. What does your heart tell you to do? Place your hand over your heart. Take a deep breath. Ask your heart again: "what should I do?" Wait for a minute. What did your heart tell you?
It might have told you to get out of bed, get dressed, and catch the train to the office because doing that will make it possible to take that trip to Hawaii you've always dreamed of, or maybe your heart will tell you that it is absolutely essential that you make major changes in your life, or maybe it will tell you to go play with your dog.
The gift of a flash of disillusionment is that it strikes quickly and with force. It makes us stop and think about how we are living. And it can get us in touch with our heart, and maybe even help us to achieve a sense of clarity about what's most important to us.
Thank you, disillusionment.
